I’ve always known I wanted to do something great, to influence people around me to want to be better, greater, happier.
I’ve slowly been finding myself throughout the years of young adulthood, now a mother and still a moderately young adult; I now know that I don’t want to sit idly by in this life i’ve lead myself to be okay with. I don’t want to judge others, but to lift them up. But I need to learn that the choices I make, I can’t expect other people to adhere to, or understand, and I need to learn to be okay with that. As each day passes I become all the more accepting, and as I become more accepting my anxiety slowly dispels, I sleep just a teeny bit better each night, my heart can love more and I have more power over my thoughts.
I want to be a world united, a world in love. I don’t just want to help my country, I want to help the world. We are all one, all of the same.
I open my inner eye and ground myself through this earth and realize we are one, we are love, ever evolving.
I like to tell myself that I am essentially the same person I was 7 months ago, but the truth is: I am a vastly different human to who I was. I now know selflessness, how it truly feels to put another being’s needs before my own.
The biggest change seems to be my thought process. I see so much more of the world now. I try just that much harder to be a positive person, to not lose my temper and to constantly better myself. This little being that came from me is influencing me in ways he will never know until he himself becomes a parent, if he so chooses. Isn’t that mind blowing? That each and every single human on this planet earth moved their parents in such a way? We moved their whole entire universe, just like our children do to us.
Time has warped completely, sometimes I don’t know if I’m up or down, while other times it feels as if time has almost ceased to exist. But the happiness that motherhood, has generated is unmeasurable.
I no longer freely let people enter my life; this is not a show that you can choose to partake in as you please. You must of proven yourself positive, loyal and supportive to have the opportunity to be impressionable on our tiny human’s life. The small amount of people we choose to have in our lives now are important to us, as close as family. There is no negative connotation here, just cautious allowance.
I no longer wish to partake in the weekend endeavours I once did, although every once in a blue moon is certainly appreciated. Home is now where I prefer to be, where once I preferred the early hours of the morning and the company of many to fill the void i once had within me, but there isn’t much left of the void to fill now, as it’s almost over flowing and I am happy.
Motherhood has changed me. It has been an evolving part of my journey and I am glad I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to connect with this part of myself.
I have been gifted motherhood, through motherhood I realize what I am capable of. Everyday I become self accepting, learning how to love more therefore loving myself more and more. I teach self acceptance, love and positivity every day.
Home is where the heart lies, where family resides; a place that captures a part of our soul.
Pieces of my essence are scattered throughout, along with my partners and now, our son.
Family and friends adorn the walls or just placed where we can gaze upon them and smile, remembering a time when that photo was taken, who we once were.
A wooden bowl of crystals, tumbled stones and a feather, prayer flags and an oil burner; things that mellow our restless souls. An old chair, accrued via another favourite pastime: op-shopping.
A corner dedicated to our son, where toys stay and live. A direction our smiles tend to be prevalent and where our hearts are warmed, changed.
Although only static these belongings, what truly makes this place is the warmth from our love, our living and the memories cherished as we grow through life.
I am growing through the gratitude I grow, slowly but surely learning to point out the positives in life, soon I won’t be able to see the negative. Although there is only light if the dark exists and all must be dark to be light. Home is the light, always; we fill it with who we are, what keeps us feeling safe, loved and comfortable. I want all that enter our house to feel welcome, to be offered tea, food and leave feeling uplifted, a little more loved. This is sacred this space, but to be shared.
I release my negative thoughts, releasing all negativity and filling the space with positivity and love.
I have always had a hate/love relationship with myself and my body. I’ve always been highly inconsistent, extremely critical and self-deprecating, even if it may often seem more inward. It’s one thing I’ve never really enjoyed talking about because it hits a soft spot in the emotional region.
I’m trying to constantly reinforce a positive state of mind, to push through the negative thoughts and vanquish them with the power of my mind. Its no easy feat, but once i’ve been practising for a lifetime it will be taught, and I will just know. But between now and then I have to learn to love myself, to treat myself with respect and honor the beauty in me. I find building other people up has been a huge influence on how I see myself, by changing my thoughts immediately, I am able to rewire my brain. Where I once used to judge openly I turn those judgements around and form a beautiful conclusion.
We are our own worst critic, we are not taught to love ourselves to the extent we deserve. We are our own universe, the more we realize this the more we will appreciate who we are. When you learn to channel your inner voice to better your current mindset you are are unstoppable. Conventional beauty is just that; you don’t have to be conventional, you are youand there is nothing more beautiful. Your imperfections are beauty, your clothes, your hair, the way you think and process, it’s all beautiful, just turn it around and see yourself for the perfectly imperfect human you truly are and your power will be tenfold.
Your mind will be lighter when you learn to love yourself, your tolerance will be higher and your state of being will raise others. Even when you have a challenging day, take it as that; a challenge. Learn the lessons from that day so you are prepared for the next. Open your mind, your heart and in turn your soul, practise mindfulness. Paint, sing, walk outside bare footed, dance in the rain or simply turn on some high vibrational music, do something you love, even once a day, put yourself first, the results are invaluable.
Look at your body for the amazing things it has done and continues to do, look at your beautiful child. Tell yourself everyday how incredible your body is, look what it did! What you did! Remind yourself, every hour if you have to at first, how beautiful the world is, find something you are grateful for and incorporate it into your gratitude practise.
affirmation: “I am worthy of all love, I have an open heart so I can accept the love I deserve and love those around me”.
Picking up where I left off yesterday, I thought it made a lot of sense to resume the Gratitude Challenge that I had commit myself to. I wanted to do this so I would reflect over the beautiful people, things and experiences in my life, thus raising my vibration and enable myself to be more open and receptive to the love this incredible universe of ours has to offer.
My Pikorua, gifted to me by Nathan on our first year anniversary is my most loved possession. Pounamu, New Zealand nephrite or more commonly known as jade is known as ‘The God Stone’ by Maori. Pounamu is is believed to protect, show kinship, love, offer good faith and evoke strength coming in the forms of different carvings.
The Pounamu Nathan gifted me is called Pikorua. It represents the spirits of two people intertwined, destined to always find one other no matter where life takes them. It is a cycle, constant, portraying the relationship between life and the eternal.
In Maori tradition, the stone must be blessed before it is to be worn, commonly blessed because Pounamu is known as tapu (sacred). I chose to bless mine in the moana (ocean) in front of the house where I spent the first seventeen years of my life, which will always hold a special place in my manawa (heart).
It is the most thoughtful gift anyone has thought to give me, it encompasses me. It brings me comfort when I am alone, it brings me strength when I feel like I can’t get up in the morning and it fills me with love with i think of who and where my Pounamu came from. I am blessed to have such an incredible companion who constantly supports me, who I can trust 120%, who’s always there and works so hard for our little whanau.
I had an extensive look through my blog posts over the last couple of months and, i realized that a lot of the things I had posted just weren’t me. I wanted a heartfelt blog, honest and true, my version of motherhood, not a constant stream of minor updates but a genuine take on my journey through motherhood.
I’ll rewind a little bit; This year has been absolutely, mind meltingly life altering, I know I became a mother this year and that itself is altering enough, but after meeting our beautiful cub I felt inspired. Inspired like I never had been before. I wanted (and still want) to be the best version of myself I could ever be. All it took was once look at our son for me to change. I want to be the best version of me for our son, my partner, family and myself.
So, thanks to an old friend, the amazing world of essential oils and aromatherapy was opened up to me. After a lifetime of struggling to find that ‘thing’ I wanted to do, it found me, at a vital point of my life, at a point of most vulnerability and whilst I was wide open to the universe. I fell in love quickly, and thus Aromama was born. Since that point I have made the choice to study and pursue my newly found, but deep passion of becoming an Aromatherapist and genuinely helping people.
One of the setbacks of being a first time mother is, not realizing that everything takes just a little bit longer to attain, from the simplest of tasks like folding the washing to attempting grocery shopping. Point being is, I naively believed I could cope with starting a new business venture and efficiently study at the same time. Unfortunately, in my usual style I over committed myself, and the first thing that I sacrificed was spending time on this blog, something that was and is a vital part of me coping with my mental health, sharing with other amazing humans what motherhood is whilst being creative and most importantly healing.
I have ‘wakeful’ periods during my days where I can function like a normal human, and it’s during those periods of my day where I’m useful and I usually try to get anything that requires brain power completed in this short window. Usually its spent trying to become market ready for Aromama, or I try to complete some of my assignments, but today I felt compelled to look over my blog, and I spent some time just speed reading through some recent posts to come to the conclusion I didn’t like the content, at all.
Contrary to what I led myself to believe, I haven’t been myself for a good couple of months now. I get it, motherhood changes you, it’s changed me so vastly that I think I’m still trying to figure out who I am in this new role as mother. I’m trying to not feel disappointed in myself for not being farther along in my development. Long story short, I’ve allowed my vibration, frequency and positivity to drop, and a lot of my content lately has depicted that.
From now on, I will take a much more self reflective and positive stance in this journey. I will post content that not only makes me feel good, but content that has the ability to make you, the beautiful reader to feel happier as well. I want you to leave my blog and go away having a better outlook on your situation, because your all incredible. The mothers I have met and become closer with since becoming a mother – you are all incredible and I really don’t know where I would be without you, online and offline.
Thank you for continuing to support me throughout this wonderful new journey,
It’s a massive responsibility, realizing just how much influence you have over this little human you created. Constantly watching yourself and trying to enforce positive routines, positive environments and habits. To be honest, I’ve started implementing these routines almost more so for myself.
Nathan and I have never been good at routine, that’s why we never really set one for Torben prior to now. I mean, as mothers we really do want to have family breakfast and dinner sitting at the table, we want to bath our children every single night just before bed, and we want to get these little humans of ours sleeping through, but! It’s easier said than done. Because who has to actually enforce these routines? That’s right, us.
We are only human, sometimes we let that family dinner slide because your little one is out of whack, or your simply too tired to give them a proper bath so the shower it is and if you have had a very long stressful day a wet cloth will do.
We love our children, but we need to learn to love ourselves enough to know and be okay with imperfections. We are raising our children with all the love and positivity we can muster after all!