Our own person.

Its so easy to get caught up in our current lives, to forget who we are outside of the realms of motherhood and parenthood. Those few nights spent separated from our wee ones helps define who we are away from it all. But lets be honest, its not likely that, the one night we do get once in a blue moon will be spent meditaing or bettering ourselves per say.. But what about a quiet night alone?

I find myself alone quite often, and as introverted as I am right now, the thought of spending just an entire day ON MY OWN without my child scares the shit out of me. I’m not exactly sure why I’m like this now, but the thought of well, being left to my own thoughts scares me. Not in a self-deprecating kind of way, but in the way that, as mothers we don’t get a moment alone, or so it feels, so when it does happen, i feel like I wouldn’t actually know what to do with myself. Whether you work or you don’t, I imagine we all feel this way to a degree. Point being, it’s scary, because like you, I can’t really remember life prior to this beautiful boy of ours.

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I feel like those moments between naps are enough most days, but some, I wish I could run away from it all, then I remember that I’m a mother now and I beat myself up internally a bit. But lets not bull shit here, it is hard, we lose the essence of us a little bit some days, we get angry at ourselves for having ‘bad’ thoughts about motherhood, parenting and we beat ourselves up for needing, craving space. I don’t believe there is any shame in needing that space. Its healthy, not only for us but for our children. I’m not one of those parents who want to constantly pawn my child off to grandparents or friends, but, I am learning to allow myself and my partner time to cool off, or ‘reset’.

I was a super weird kid, i hated being away from home. On occasion I would have panic attacks when staying at a friends house thinking aliens would kidnap me and I would get my mum to come and get me (don’t ask XD). I can tell you now, I really, REALLY, don’t want my son to be afraid like i was. I want to teach him to be self-assured and confident. Not afraid to be out of his comfort zone, be allowing him to be away from us instills that he is his own safety. At 5 months old he’ll sleep pretty much anywhere, he’s pretty down to earth and I’m confident that my partner and I are doing a good job.

Remind yourself that you need space, your child needs space and you deserve time to ‘reset’. Keep up the incredible work Mama’s and Papas ❤

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Fueling the fire.

If there is something we all learn eventually, its that we need to keep our own fires burning. I dont mean that in a negative connotation, but something positive. Even though it takes years of practise to realize, we are infact capable of keeping them raging. 

Whats the fire actually stand for you ask? Your happiness, your passion, your determination. You see, we dont need someone to tell us how wonderful we are, we should just know, but society has and continues to strip us of that power. The point im making from a mothers perspective is, i want my kids to have self-love, self-respect and be highly resilient, but also gentle, be kind and compassionate. Its up to us to ignite their flame and give them the tools to make there own fuel to keep their own fire burning. Teach them that although the world is full of blithering  wankers, that they can still make the world a better place.

We are teaching the next generation,  the generation thats going to have to reverse all the damage done thanks to us, our parents, grandparents and so on. We ignite the flame, and we keep ours burning.

The Three Bears NZ

Sleepless nights.

The one thing that truly gets to me. I love my boy with all I have to give and more, but bite into my sleep and I begin to lose my sanity!

The sleepless nights has by far been the hardest thing about becoming a new mother, and I know it’s not just me! When mothers of babies that take a long time to sleep through here about your child who slept through from week 2 we can’t help but be a little envious! Tell me your secret!

No but seriously, it’s hard. You learn to function off small increments of sleep, and on those occasions you do get lucky enough to have over 5 hours you wake up wondering if your child is still breathing!

I’m still adjusting to my new found motherhood, 4 months later, and learning to enjoy the nights I can sleep through!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

My moon and my stars.

My own version of golden warmth, times such as this stands still. I realize not that it’s a moment fleeting.

Emotional update.

My emotional stability has been, absent lately. I feel like, I’m unhinged. My temper is short, I’m constantly fighting myself to not be constantly sucking energy from my environment just to get through the day, yet, I still find this cloud lingers.

The hardest thing about being a mother right now is, who is meant to look after us? Once we become mothers, we forget to look after ourselves, and people forget we need looking after sometimes.

Although I’m going through a bit of emotional turmoil, I find my spirituality growing. Perhaps I’m reaching for means to help me feel complete. To give myself the tools to be able to build the ladder out of this emotional pit. I am very interested in forms of paganism. Might be I’ll find my spiritual path by venturing down these paths and researching.

I’ve had to step back from “adulting” in the last couple of weeks, for what? Apart from my emotional state I’m not sure, but I know I’d like to give my self the chance to recover before this snow balls.

We work so hard as mothers to keep everyone else happy, and as cliche as it sounds, we forget ourselves. This is a lesson I am learning early and hard. Time to give ourselves some slack.

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

I’m back!

I’ve been so caught up in my own little bubble that I haven’t allowed myself, or given myself the respect to just sit down, take a deep breath and release all of my negative thoughts and stresses. The truth is, as I stated in my last post: I haven’t felt myself. I’m working on getting on top of it, but as you all know, it’s easier said than done!

So much of my time and energy has/is going into the business and being a mother, to a now 3 month old boy (holy crap, where did the time go?!) that I haven’t had a chance to really think straight!

Now, I know it’s not just me, but I have found since becoming a mother and a parent that my grip on time has totally loosened and I have no idea if I am up or down sometimes! Days disappear as if I haven’t lived them at all, (sometimes I wonder if I have!) and other times days pop out of nowhere. It’s so hard to juggle everything and unfortunately writing this blog has been lost within the myriad of obstacles in my way and for a time, simply became a chore, which is not at all what the point in this blog is for me.

Well here I am, i’m going to ensure for my mental health, yet again, that I am regularly updating the blog!

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The light of my life.

Where am I at now? Well, being a mother of a beautiful growing little boy cub is absolutely incredible! I consider myself so fortunate every day to have this little cub in my life and an incredible man by my side. Life is testing me right now but I am rising above, and currently feeling like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I feel like I can breathe again, and in turn I feel a light inside of me burning again that I haven’t felt for a long time.

I am trying to get back on the rails and look after myself in mind, body and spirit. My partner and I will be detoxing after my birthday and honestly, I am genuinely excited to get that part of our lives started so we can both be the best for ourselves and our cub. As much as I am trying to be happy within myself, standing on the scales for the first time in a year to find I am 100.9kg was a sad shock to me, and although I hate weight and would rather avoid owning scales, it still hit home and I keep telling myself to stop being so upset. Apart from, what feels like a huge setback,  I am counting my blessings each day and allowing myself to remember that I am important and when one loves themself, they can learn to love more. I am giving in ways I know how and this brings me higher again.

I hope you are all doing well, I look forward to writing on a regular basis again! Thank you for your patience, you are all incredible!

The Three Bears NZ.

 

 

Life gets in the way.

I apologize for being so slack with the blog! As you know I’ve been prioritizing securing some sort of income as a sahm!

I’ve been so busy and my mind has been so full of nothing but being a mother to our child and starting up a business that I’ve really forgotten to maintain myself and my own well being. Being a mother is a huge balancing act, and I love it, I honestly do but I need to ensure I’m spending some time on myself. Even something as simple as shaving my legs, washing my hair, using my lovely face cleanser and putting time aside to look after my mental health. Because I’ll be honest, I haven’t been feeling myself, physically or mentally. This is my first child so I don’t know what recovery should bebe, and although I understand that every woman heals and different rates I still feel like I should be feeling better now.. did anyone experience an emergency c-section? And what was your recovery like? I’m at 12 weeks post partum tomorrow and it still looks like I’m 18 – 22 weeks pregnant! 


I’m trying to divert my mind away from the self depreciation but I find my mind slipping more and more. I know that I’ll get over it soon and I know I can over come this and get back to my old self, it’s just the in between.

Other than that, our new home is lovely, as stressful as the move was I could never find it inside of me to regret that decision. Our little cub is doing very well, he’s 12 weeks tomorrow and 3 months on the 19th! It honestly feels like an entire lifetime that he’s been in our lives but time is almost non existent at this point! I never know what day if the week it is let alone what time! 

Today is the first day my partner and I have been away from our cub as well! I’ll say more about that in my following post.

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.