Emotional update.

My emotional stability has been, absent lately. I feel like, I’m unhinged. My temper is short, I’m constantly fighting myself to not be constantly sucking energy from my environment just to get through the day, yet, I still find this cloud lingers.

The hardest thing about being a mother right now is, who is meant to look after us? Once we become mothers, we forget to look after ourselves, and people forget we need looking after sometimes.

Although I’m going through a bit of emotional turmoil, I find my spirituality growing. Perhaps I’m reaching for means to help me feel complete. To give myself the tools to be able to build the ladder out of this emotional pit. I am very interested in forms of paganism. Might be I’ll find my spiritual path by venturing down these paths and researching.

I’ve had to step back from “adulting” in the last couple of weeks, for what? Apart from my emotional state I’m not sure, but I know I’d like to give my self the chance to recover before this snow balls.

We work so hard as mothers to keep everyone else happy, and as cliche as it sounds, we forget ourselves. This is a lesson I am learning early and hard. Time to give ourselves some slack.

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Blur.

Does anyone else struggle with a messy mind? I find myself in a constant state of seeing things that need to be done, but leaving my current task undone! And, I don’t know what you’ve been told but, baby brain lasts a very long time. I had it bad during pregnancy, and, I still have it, in some cases I would say it’s worse since having our cub.

Between insomnia, our child waking up during the night for feeds and just generally not getting into bed early enough, my baby brain is shocking. My midnight bedtime is a little too late, but if you are anything like me, you’re not an early night or an early morning person. Besides, when else am I meant to get shit done?!IMG_20170304_163914.jpg

This week, I’ve just taken a step back to chill out a bit more, and it feels good. It feels really good to just not adult for a few days. Infact I might just conclude this week as a write-off, and squish all of my adulting into one whole day.

My whole life feels like a bit of a write-off at the moment. Between trying to learn this little being I grew for 9 – 10 months, which, is already a write-off automatically because, let’s be honest we don’t remember much of our pregnancies except the morning sickness, what we craved pork rinds, chocolate sundays and that we didn’t like labour. My early days and weeks of motherhood ( I know i’m still in early motherhood but, those super early days) were a combination of pizza and thai takeaways, muesli bars, bags of chips, chocolate and lots of netflix. They were, and still are on occasion lovely and heartwarming but sometimes, tedious, stressful and forced.

My point is, my weeks are a blur, OUR weeks are a blur. When i’m telling someone about something that happened weeks ago it turned out it was only days ago, I can’t concentrate because my time and days are in small increments between my child’s wake and sleep periods, so my days feel stupidly short but longer than ever, and often I feel like I barely get anything done and if I don’t write it down it doesn’t happen.

We are all only just getting into a routine for the first time in… what was I talking about? Kidding. The first time in what feels like a very long time. It feels good, to know what to expect, kind of. But that changes ALL THE TIME when you have a wee cub, and as much as I like to say I embrace it, it’s havoc at times and i’m just waiting for the next short routine to appear. Between being a mama and trying to start some sort of business I’m finding it highly challenging at the moment..

Do you other mothers struggle with juggling tasks and routines? I’d love to hear what other mama’s do!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Life gets in the way.

I apologize for being so slack with the blog! As you know I’ve been prioritizing securing some sort of income as a sahm!

I’ve been so busy and my mind has been so full of nothing but being a mother to our child and starting up a business that I’ve really forgotten to maintain myself and my own well being. Being a mother is a huge balancing act, and I love it, I honestly do but I need to ensure I’m spending some time on myself. Even something as simple as shaving my legs, washing my hair, using my lovely face cleanser and putting time aside to look after my mental health. Because I’ll be honest, I haven’t been feeling myself, physically or mentally. This is my first child so I don’t know what recovery should bebe, and although I understand that every woman heals and different rates I still feel like I should be feeling better now.. did anyone experience an emergency c-section? And what was your recovery like? I’m at 12 weeks post partum tomorrow and it still looks like I’m 18 – 22 weeks pregnant! 


I’m trying to divert my mind away from the self depreciation but I find my mind slipping more and more. I know that I’ll get over it soon and I know I can over come this and get back to my old self, it’s just the in between.

Other than that, our new home is lovely, as stressful as the move was I could never find it inside of me to regret that decision. Our little cub is doing very well, he’s 12 weeks tomorrow and 3 months on the 19th! It honestly feels like an entire lifetime that he’s been in our lives but time is almost non existent at this point! I never know what day if the week it is let alone what time! 

Today is the first day my partner and I have been away from our cub as well! I’ll say more about that in my following post.

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

 

Hectic is normality.

As you may know, our little fam is on the move! I’ve been struggling to make time for most things but honestly, in the last couple of days, I have been struggling to find any motivation to finish packing! I’ve hit a brick wall bigger than the wall Trump plans on building.

Our house is in absolutely chaos! It’s hard to move around and I just can’t function in this kind of environment. I understand that come sunday evening it’s all going to be basically finished and I can’t wait! Living in an urban area has been normality for so long, but knowing we are going to be living rurally so soon has me listening to the constant barrage of sounds.

If it’s not boy racers its parties, if its not parties is the neighbor’s cats landing on the shed roof, if it’s not that there is the constant hum of the port. Don’t get me wrong, i have definitely enjoyed my time here! This is where Nathan and I started, where we began and a part of this small, cramped 1970’s flat will have a place in my heart. Our times walking into the local pubs and aimlessly floundering home are over now and we have no need to be so close to the center of everything. But I am grateful.

Moving with even a 2 month old is presenting me with a whole new world of responsibility! Learning to juggle packing, cooking, feeding and even getting a shower in is proving challenging at best!

Not only that, I am in the process of starting a small business  from home creating health, beauty and wellness products for you beautiful mama’s and your littlies! I am so excited to get this journey underway and sharing it with you incredible followers of mine!

WATCH THIS SPACE! 😀 Thank you so much for still supporting me through my absence!

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

The big and the small.

Firstly, I apologize for not posting as much as I usually do. Our little family is currently on the move for the next couple of weeks and when I do have the chance to sit down and update the blog I find myself slowly nodding off and waking to find an entire sentence that makes zero sense.

This is the first year in many where I have made an effort to jot down some short term and long term goals. When I sat down to write this list I didn’t really realize just how many things I would be willing to try to attain. 

Unlike other lists I’ve attempted, this list ranges from: clean the oven, become fit and healthy to find a tangible home income. I have the big, the small, the short and long-term. It brings me great satisfaction between a sleeping child to conquer the small things and slowly chip away at the larger goals.

This year is the single most hectic year thus far of my life and I honestly couldn’t be more fulfilled at this present time. But having a goal list helps me stay grounded. In this early blur of motherhood, which 99 percent of us ensure, I find myself being very flighty; I’m in a constant state of forgetting the current task I was working on. I’ll start the dishes and halfway through start hanging the washing out then have the need to relieve myself and start cleaning the bathroom. 

The list is an invaluable part of my life now. And how satisfying it is to cross those goals off!

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

How bittersweet this contrast.

The day my son was placed upon my chest and into my arms, I felt LIFE. The newest and most pure essence of our life force. So young, so quintessentially innocent, yet resonating with radiant energy.

We all, as parents go through this in our own way. We see this from different points, at different times, depending on how receptive we are.

I’m twenty four years old. The energy of youth still abundant in my being and renewed by my gratification of bringing a life into this world. I feel such revelry to walk our mother earth each day and with each breath I am open to more.

When Torben met his great grandparents on my mother’s side, we entered the energy of a thousand life forces slowly being reverted to their place of origin, but oh! What a life lived. The presence of such a burgeoning energy was enough to change the entire atmosphere, even for a fleeting second.

We come forth into this world, overflowing with such beautiful naivety on a planet that has so much information to offer. How lucky to be offered self awareness we are!

Once our lessons have been learned, our wisdom has been passed and we have drawn all of our being from melioration, we return, one way or another; our essence released to whence it came.    

Undoubtedly circling, constant yet certain is the human race as we initiate into this world, only to biologically decay even when our minds stay behind.

How bittersweet this contrast.

Stigmas of a Mother.

As we grow our children and into our role as mothers, both physically and spiritually, we are constantly bombarded with advice and judgements.

If a mother chooses to breastfeed her child in public she’s bombarded with criticism, when a mother chooses to formula feed her child she’s also bombarded with criticism. The single most unfortunate thing about these stigmas, it seems to  be other woman; Mothers, bestowing their ‘god like’ judgement upon their fellow woman.

After having problems producing enough milk for my hungry wee cub, I decided for my sanity and my poor cubs little tummy, to switch to formula. It’s only been a couple of weeks, yet people haven’t hesitated to show their distaste. No wonder when I go to the doctors, nurses or I have to feed our child in public I feel ashamed to declare this fact. How unfair it is, that I we as mothers are made to feel that way! Breast is best?! More like shut your mouth Barabara you haven’t had a child under 43 for 100 years!

I’m currently in a state of mind in which I have to constantly remind myself that the choices I make are in the best interest of my child, because they are. A mother who has looked after her needs is a good mother, no, a great mother.

If a mother chooses to do her makeup, straighten her hair, go to the hair salon, take a 10 minute time-out, breastfeed, formula feed, let her child play computer games, enforce her child to play outside, co-sleep, promote self-settling, let her child cry, hold her child close that is her choice as a mother.

It is our duty as woman, to withhold our judgement, to apply self-awareness to the judgements that do pop up in our head and alter those thoughts into empathetic, supportive and understanding wavelengths.

I’m sick of people in general constantly feeling the need to spread their ‘anticipated’ advice. Did I ask for it? NO! Some of the information is useful, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Just remember the next time you open your fat gob to some poor heavily pregnant woman who’s been told “Enjoy the peace and quiet whilst it last’s honey!” a dozen times in that week alone or that poor mother who hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in, well, she can’t remember.. They don’t want to hear it. Every child is completely different and we will or are learning our child. Specially if you haven’t got your own children!

My greatest piece of advice I can offer: instead of passing judgment or pointless advice, tell her how awesome she rocks that baby belly or how amazing that mother at the checkout with a child having a full blown tantrum is doing! Or, if you have friends that are pregnant or having a young child, offer your help, bring them food, coffee, compliments and support.

The Three Bears NZ.