The big and the small.

Firstly, I apologize for not posting as much as I usually do. Our little family is currently on the move for the next couple of weeks and when I do have the chance to sit down and update the blog I find myself slowly nodding off and waking to find an entire sentence that makes zero sense.

This is the first year in many where I have made an effort to jot down some short term and long term goals. When I sat down to write this list I didn’t really realize just how many things I would be willing to try to attain. 

Unlike other lists I’ve attempted, this list ranges from: clean the oven, become fit and healthy to find a tangible home income. I have the big, the small, the short and long-term. It brings me great satisfaction between a sleeping child to conquer the small things and slowly chip away at the larger goals.

This year is the single most hectic year thus far of my life and I honestly couldn’t be more fulfilled at this present time. But having a goal list helps me stay grounded. In this early blur of motherhood, which 99 percent of us ensure, I find myself being very flighty; I’m in a constant state of forgetting the current task I was working on. I’ll start the dishes and halfway through start hanging the washing out then have the need to relieve myself and start cleaning the bathroom. 

The list is an invaluable part of my life now. And how satisfying it is to cross those goals off!

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

How bittersweet this contrast.

The day my son was placed upon my chest and into my arms, I felt LIFE. The newest and most pure essence of our life force. So young, so quintessentially innocent, yet resonating with radiant energy.

We all, as parents go through this in our own way. We see this from different points, at different times, depending on how receptive we are.

I’m twenty four years old. The energy of youth still abundant in my being and renewed by my gratification of bringing a life into this world. I feel such revelry to walk our mother earth each day and with each breath I am open to more.

When Torben met his great grandparents on my mother’s side, we entered the energy of a thousand life forces slowly being reverted to their place of origin, but oh! What a life lived. The presence of such a burgeoning energy was enough to change the entire atmosphere, even for a fleeting second.

We come forth into this world, overflowing with such beautiful naivety on a planet that has so much information to offer. How lucky to be offered self awareness we are!

Once our lessons have been learned, our wisdom has been passed and we have drawn all of our being from melioration, we return, one way or another; our essence released to whence it came.    

Undoubtedly circling, constant yet certain is the human race as we initiate into this world, only to biologically decay even when our minds stay behind.

How bittersweet this contrast.

Stigmas of a Mother

As we grow our children and into our role as mothers, both physically and spiritually, we are constantly bombarded with advice and judgements.

If a mother chooses to breastfeed her child in public she’s bombarded with criticism, when a mother chooses to formula feed her child she’s also bombarded with criticism. The single most unfortunate thing about these stigmas, it seems to  be other woman; Mothers, bestowing their ‘god like’ judgement upon their fellow woman.

After having problems producing enough milk for my hungry wee cub, I decided for my sanity and my poor cubs little tummy, to switch to formula. It’s only been a couple of weeks, yet people haven’t hesitated to show their distaste. No wonder when I go to the doctors, nurses or I have to feed our child in public I feel ashamed to declare this fact. How unfair it is, that I we as mothers are made to feel that way! Breast is best?! More like shut your mouth Barabara you haven’t had a child under 43 for 100 years!

I’m currently in a state of mind in which I have to constantly remind myself that the choices I make are in the best interest of my child, because they are. A mother who has looked after her needs is a good mother, no, a great mother.

If a mother chooses to do her makeup, straighten her hair, go to the hair salon, take a 10 minute time-out, breastfeed, formula feed, let her child play computer games, enforce her child to play outside, co-sleep, promote self-settling, let her child cry, hold her child close that is her choice as a mother.

It is our duty as woman, to withhold our judgement, to apply self-awareness to the judgements that do pop up in our head and alter those thoughts into empathetic, supportive and understanding wavelengths.

I’m sick of people in general constantly feeling the need to spread their ‘anticipated’ advice. Did I ask for it? NO! Some of the information is useful, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Just remember the next time you open your fat gob to some poor heavily pregnant woman who’s been told “Enjoy the peace and quiet whilst it last’s honey!” a dozen times in that week alone or that poor mother who hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in, well, she can’t remember.. They don’t want to hear it. Every child is completely different and we will or are learning our child. Specially if you haven’t got your own children!

My greatest piece of advice I can offer: instead of passing judgment or pointless advice, tell her how awesome she rocks that baby belly or how amazing that mother at the checkout with a child having a full blown tantrum is doing! Or, if you have friends that are pregnant or having a young child, offer your help, bring them food, coffee, compliments and support.

The Three Bears NZ.

 

Motherhood = unpredictability

Today my wee baby bear had his first immunizations!

This isn’t going to be an argument about immunizations, if you choose to or not to, it’s your choice and I’m never going to tell you your wrong, because you know best for your child.

Anyway. I have been nervous for a good couple of days now, constantly thinking about how he would react. How hard it would be to watch him and how am I going to deal with a huge routine shift when it finally feels like we are slowly but surely getting more sleep and predictability. We do what we can, at the end of the day we follow him and his needs. 

Needless to say as horrible as it was to see him crying due to a needle enter his wee thighs, it really was not as bad as my mind had manifested. The mind is such a powerful thing when in the head of an overtired mother!

Once we hit the fourth hour after his immunizations BANG he cried for a good hour! He’s never done that before! He ended up crying himself to sleep, which I guess is well needed. Even if it did break my heart!

Thankfully when Papa came home Torben calmed right down, and he’s been a very sleepy wee cub since, and he’s still eating find and all is right with the world. We even managed to watch Inception and eat a whole bowl of plain popcorn! Yay! Now it’s time to fall into the comfortable bed I’ve been thinking of since I left it this morning..

From one tired and relieved Mama bear, good night! Or good day.. All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

This is motherhood.

As I lay down in bed, exhausted, entering this faze of the day completely ready to embrace slumber, my brain decides to waken.

I start thinking about life changing decisions that I can’t do anything about at this current moment, the dishes that I should of done before bed, that snarkey comment I said to my partner 16 hours ago in the early hours of the morning and just like that, slumber is a distant memory.

The short hours my child does sleep at night are a crucial time for me to feel human via sleep. Yet, insomnia takes hold. I think of how this world will be in 10 years, about how stressful it is finding a new home, the thought of packing sends me into a minute anxiety attack. 

I try meditation, I try counting sheep, I try breathing techniques, I try ASMR and finally, I come to the bitter conclusion I’ll just have to close my eyes and stop looking at the time. Sleep will come, eventually.

The Three Bears NZ

We get by with a little help from our friends.

There comes a time in every new mother’s life when she has to put her tail between her legs and accept help. It’s not something we can all graciously accept, but where would we be without the amazing network of Mama’s, family and friends around us? There is nothing more important than the support around you in those first weeks!IMG_20170121_071708_519.jpg

Only 3 and a half weeks ago my milk had come in, it was about 3am; I was deliriously tired, I could barely lift myself out of bed and my boobies were about to explode. I had no idea what to do about it! I ended up messaging my two main mama’s for any advice to relieve the pain. They had both replied within minutes with all of their goddess wisdom, and boy! I couldn’t be more thankful!

Food is THE MOST appreciated thing on my list.

In my last month of pregnancy my mother filled up an entire draw in our freezer with beautiful meals she prepared with love!

When my mum bun looks more like a large dreadlock, I have puke on both shoulders and I haven’t managed a shower in days these meals make my life SO MUCH EASIER. They really are a god send! Not to mention every time my parents visit Mum can’t help but get the vacuum out for a quick once over, but it really makes a world of difference! I don’t know where I would be without my parents!

It’s tiring in those first weeks with everyone tripping over each other to see your new bundle, and let’s be honest, as tired as you are, you really do want to show him or her off.

Jordan and Mike food.jpgMy partner’s mother and sisters really helped us a lot in that first week! They got stuck in with the housework AND filled the pantry! Our close friends also stocked us up on healthy snacks which i found SO HELPFUL. Specially whilst trying to master breastfeeding! Eating pasta whilst  breastfeeding is quite a challenge, eating almonds and celery, much more plausible!


It really bothers me when I see or hear woman judging each other so harshly; mother or not, we should be supporting each other! Not criticising woman who like to spend time on their makeup and hair, judging the clothes they wear or their parenting style! I’m not going to pretend that I don’t find myself judging other women sometimes, but the difference between some of us is we choose to make those thoughts into positive ones and find the beauty in the people around us.

Something I’ll never forget, and I know my friend won’t either. We went for a walk with our boys about a week ago and a man walking past kindly reassured us “You’re doing a good job ladies!”. That stuck! And will for a long time! Just remember, that mother with the screaming child probably hasn’t slept or eaten properly in days or weeks! You offering to help her in some small way, like just telling her she’s doing a great job could make her day!
All of the love and support!

cropped-facebook-title.jpg

Our new life.

Its daunting when the day finally comes! You have the all clear to go home with your beautiful little bundle! Your new life begins!

cofYou are still healing yourself, whether it’s from vaginal birth, surgery or from the various other procedures.. You have had 2 hours sleep in 48 hours and are slightly delusional. You may be extremely volatile in your emotions and you aren’t quite sure the next tantrum or bout of tears will show up and you aren’t confident breastfeeding, (or know if that’s the path you’re even going to go down yet). You and your other half have never been so scared in your life, but you have both never been so elated.

There is so much you aren’t told about having a newborn! Like my amazing midwife says, “they don’t come with a manual!”. If only they did! Some days they cry all day. You’ve fed them, cleaned them, changed them, cuddled them and still, to no avail, you sit in defeat in an almost ‘meditative’ state that occurs before you scream into the closest cushion like object.

Sometimes newborns are mysterious and hard to figure out. It just takes time! Before you know if you will understand every sound he or she makes! Almost anyway!

What I have learned up until now is far from what I thought I would of by now! Here’s a few things I can offer you:

  • They are able to communicate their needs to a degree. Hungry? There’s a cry for that. Pooping? There’s a cry for that. Hot? Cold? There’s a … you get the point.
  • You CAN take them out into the wide world pretty quickly! As long as you are ready! If you are anything like me, you get cabin fever pretty quickly and need to get out of the house regularly.
  • Be prepared for judgement and opinions ALL OF THE TIME. God forbid your child makes so much as a small whimper in front of the old woman walking past! Just remember, you know best! This is your child after all and people can talk until they are blue in the face! You take what you you find useful, and, well.. Fuck the rest!
  • The second the nappy is off, they shit, or urinate, ALL OVER YOU. If you are like me, and have a boy then you know just how far there peep can go!
  • They fart like adults! (I wish I knew that because the first time Torben let one rip I was definitely startled).
  • I can’t stress this one enough.. DON’T EXPECT ROUTINE STRAIGHT AWAY! They are so little and it takes them a while to get used to this world outside of your uterus! And don’t beat yourself up! All you can really do is give them what they need, when they need it.

The list could go on forever! Newborns are gorgeous little beings that require a lot of our time and energy, but don’t panic! You got this Mama! Just remember, you are all the Mama your baby needs and you aren’t alone! Don’t be afraid to reach out to people if you have to! You matter just as much as your child!

There are so many things I am constantly learning everyday, and as tired as we can be sometimes, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ