We plant the seed.

It’s a massive responsibility, realizing just how much influence you have over this little human you created. Constantly watching yourself and trying to enforce positive routines, positive environments and habits. To be honest, I’ve started implementing these routines almost more so for myself.

Nathan and I have never been good at routine, that’s why we never really set one for Torben prior to now. I mean, as mothers we really do want to have family breakfast and dinner sitting at the table, we want to bath our children every single night just before bed, and we want to get these little humans of ours sleeping through, but! It’s easier said than done. Because who has to actually enforce these routines? That’s right, us.

We are only human, sometimes we let that family dinner slide because your little one is out of whack, or your simply too tired to give them a proper bath so the shower it is and if you have had a very long stressful day a wet cloth will do.

We love our children, but we need to learn to love ourselves enough to know and be okay with imperfections. We are raising our children with all the love and positivity we can muster after all!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Stigmas of a Mother

As we grow our children and into our role as mothers, both physically and spiritually, we are constantly bombarded with advice and judgements.

If a mother chooses to breastfeed her child in public she’s bombarded with criticism, when a mother chooses to formula feed her child she’s also bombarded with criticism. The single most unfortunate thing about these stigmas, it seems to  be other woman; Mothers, bestowing their ‘god like’ judgement upon their fellow woman.

After having problems producing enough milk for my hungry wee cub, I decided for my sanity and my poor cubs little tummy, to switch to formula. It’s only been a couple of weeks, yet people haven’t hesitated to show their distaste. No wonder when I go to the doctors, nurses or I have to feed our child in public I feel ashamed to declare this fact. How unfair it is, that I we as mothers are made to feel that way! Breast is best?! More like shut your mouth Barabara you haven’t had a child under 43 for 100 years!

I’m currently in a state of mind in which I have to constantly remind myself that the choices I make are in the best interest of my child, because they are. A mother who has looked after her needs is a good mother, no, a great mother.

If a mother chooses to do her makeup, straighten her hair, go to the hair salon, take a 10 minute time-out, breastfeed, formula feed, let her child play computer games, enforce her child to play outside, co-sleep, promote self-settling, let her child cry, hold her child close that is her choice as a mother.

It is our duty as woman, to withhold our judgement, to apply self-awareness to the judgements that do pop up in our head and alter those thoughts into empathetic, supportive and understanding wavelengths.

I’m sick of people in general constantly feeling the need to spread their ‘anticipated’ advice. Did I ask for it? NO! Some of the information is useful, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Just remember the next time you open your fat gob to some poor heavily pregnant woman who’s been told “Enjoy the peace and quiet whilst it last’s honey!” a dozen times in that week alone or that poor mother who hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in, well, she can’t remember.. They don’t want to hear it. Every child is completely different and we will or are learning our child. Specially if you haven’t got your own children!

My greatest piece of advice I can offer: instead of passing judgment or pointless advice, tell her how awesome she rocks that baby belly or how amazing that mother at the checkout with a child having a full blown tantrum is doing! Or, if you have friends that are pregnant or having a young child, offer your help, bring them food, coffee, compliments and support.

The Three Bears NZ.

 

I broke down.

My baby boy is only four weeks and two days old so this blog is a constant, evolving and recent take on my experiences as I grow into motherhood.

I haven’t struggled in the past to show my emotion, in the sense that I would cry at regular intervals in the privacy of my own room. It’s good to expel all of that pent up energy and just let it run down your face. But for some reason, from when I found out I was pregnant to last night, I barely shed a tear. I’m usually calm and it takes a lot to make me explode in one way or another and I’ve just put it down to that until last night. It’s not from lack of needing to, I just didn’t have that urge to break down that entire length of time, which has to be a record.

If you frequent this blog or if you have experienced motherhood, you know that it’s sometimes draining, demanding and tiring. (We love our babies but it’s hard sometimes!).

In the last couple of weeks our boy hasn’t been sleeping that great, I understand he’s far too little for me to expect routine, but my mental health can’t cope on such small amounts of sleep.

img_20170207_105859_602I cried for the first time since mother hood last night. I had slept about 7 hours in 48 hours, and that was all broken. Torben had been absolutely grizzly all day, I had drank myself into a caffeine panic attack and I honestly, just FELT.LIKE.CRAP.

After a long day of visiting grandad and close friends, I was exhausted and, so was he. Once we got home, reasonably late in the evening, around 10pm, he started incessantly screaming. I tried everything apart from feeding him, my judgement was he had just eaten only an hour previous, surely it couldn’t be that. Needless to say he was screeching into the depths of my soul and I simply couldn’t cope. Once my partner had made him a bottle, I quickly handed him Torben and proceeded to break down in tears with my head in my hands. 

I was ashamed: I hate crying in front of anyone it doesn’t matter how close we are, I will still try to avoid it like the plague. I had my hands over my face because I couldn’t stand to be seen so weak.

I felt powerless: I felt in an instant that I was a failure of a mother and that surely my child shouldn’t be screaming like that. Surely, I should be able to help him always and take any pain away.

I felt stupid: I thought I must be exaggerating, surely I didn’t need to cry like that?

Finally, I felt fucking fatigued in every sense of the word. Physically I could barely pick up my feet and mentally I couldn’t handle the smallest thing to go wrong. If someone had so much as said the slightly wrong thing, I would’ve lost the plot. My mental capacity to deal with life had gone with my lack of sleep.

Fortunately I am incredibly lucky to have an amazing man in my life. He took the night shift, even though he had work the next day, and I managed to get about 6 – 7 solid hours of sleep in. Today I feel like I’m on my way to feeling somewhat human again.

I’m learning that, I’m not capable of being the ‘perfect’ mother, and that’s okay.  It’s okay to ball your eyes out and be vulnerable because you can start to pick yourself up after that. I also now realize I really need to start looking after myself; I need to eat better food regularly, force myself to sleep more, go for walks often and create positive thoughts.

Remember, when you feel like you can’t cope, you aren’t alone. I’m always here if anyone needs to talk, even if it’s so much as you needing to vent. You can message me on my facebook or simply e-mail me at thethreebearsnz@gmail.com! I will ALWAYS respond.

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.