This is motherhood.

As I lay down in bed, exhausted, entering this faze of the day completely ready to embrace slumber, my brain decides to waken.

I start thinking about life changing decisions that I can’t do anything about at this current moment, the dishes that I should of done before bed, that snarkey comment I said to my partner 16 hours ago in the early hours of the morning and just like that, slumber is a distant memory.

The short hours my child does sleep at night are a crucial time for me to feel human via sleep. Yet, insomnia takes hold. I think of how this world will be in 10 years, about how stressful it is finding a new home, the thought of packing sends me into a minute anxiety attack. 

I try meditation, I try counting sheep, I try breathing techniques, I try ASMR and finally, I come to the bitter conclusion I’ll just have to close my eyes and stop looking at the time. Sleep will come, eventually.

The Three Bears NZ