Emotional update.

My emotional stability has been, absent lately. I feel like, I’m unhinged. My temper is short, I’m constantly fighting myself to not be constantly sucking energy from my environment just to get through the day, yet, I still find this cloud lingers.

The hardest thing about being a mother right now is, who is meant to look after us? Once we become mothers, we forget to look after ourselves, and people forget we need looking after sometimes.

Although I’m going through a bit of emotional turmoil, I find my spirituality growing. Perhaps I’m reaching for means to help me feel complete. To give myself the tools to be able to build the ladder out of this emotional pit. I am very interested in forms of paganism. Might be I’ll find my spiritual path by venturing down these paths and researching.

I’ve had to step back from “adulting” in the last couple of weeks, for what? Apart from my emotional state I’m not sure, but I know I’d like to give my self the chance to recover before this snow balls.

We work so hard as mothers to keep everyone else happy, and as cliche as it sounds, we forget ourselves. This is a lesson I am learning early and hard. Time to give ourselves some slack.

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

This is motherhood.

As I lay down in bed, exhausted, entering this faze of the day completely ready to embrace slumber, my brain decides to waken.

I start thinking about life changing decisions that I can’t do anything about at this current moment, the dishes that I should of done before bed, that snarkey comment I said to my partner 16 hours ago in the early hours of the morning and just like that, slumber is a distant memory.

The short hours my child does sleep at night are a crucial time for me to feel human via sleep. Yet, insomnia takes hold. I think of how this world will be in 10 years, about how stressful it is finding a new home, the thought of packing sends me into a minute anxiety attack.Β 

I try meditation, I try counting sheep, I try breathing techniques, I try ASMR and finally, I come to the bitter conclusion I’ll just have to close my eyes and stop looking at the time. Sleep will come, eventually.

The Three Bears NZ