Gratitude 2 – Companion

I’ve been very fortunate in this life. Whenever  I have been through bad times it’s been a prequel to an opening of joy and positivity. But the one thing I was previously never open to was timing. Timing was always off, at least I made it seem that way within myself. But for the first time, it seemed like the timing was of divinity. The way in which I met the father to my child, my companion, was all thanks to a reunion of a friendship. Ever since that moment, my life has seemed much more rounded, like a complete cycle; i’ve felt whole.

I am constantly living in a moment of gratitude with this amazing human being who, initially proved me to be completely wrong at every turn, and lead me to quickly changing my preconceptions of what I expected from people. At every bump in the road he’s been there to, not pick me up, but to make me realize that I have the capability to pick myself up, and words simply can’t describe how grateful I am for that.

img_20170129_140205_538In living with this incredible human, I have seen on a daily basis how selflessly he gives himself, not just to me but everyone around him. He endeavours to support me, but offers honesty for all choices I make. He is my safe place, my home.  I am constantly shown how it is to just love someone, and be loved in return. I am baffled by his pure kindness, his state of serenity, intelligence, and capability to be open to all things.
Not only are these things between us now, but shared with a beautiful little human being we both helped into this world. He is a natural father, a nurturing father, an inspiring father and he physically, mentally and financially supports our son and I. There is no fear of bringing up a human in this world full of the inept when I have such a true man by my side.

Fleetwood Mac Funny Nathan And LexI am in constant wonder at how harmonious we are and the complete lack of judgement in this pure simplicity which is, us. I am thankful for all that we have in common, and all that we don’t, for all of those deep talks, and the individuality. He is my best friend.

Words just don’t cut how vivaciously my gratitude grows every day for this amazing companion of mine. How fortunate I am in this life.

How bittersweet this contrast.

The day my son was placed upon my chest and into my arms, I felt LIFE. The newest and most pure essence of our life force. So young, so quintessentially innocent, yet resonating with radiant energy.

We all, as parents go through this in our own way. We see this from different points, at different times, depending on how receptive we are.

I’m twenty four years old. The energy of youth still abundant in my being and renewed by my gratification of bringing a life into this world. I feel such revelry to walk our mother earth each day and with each breath I am open to more.

When Torben met his great grandparents on my mother’s side, we entered the energy of a thousand life forces slowly being reverted to their place of origin, but oh! What a life lived. The presence of such a burgeoning energy was enough to change the entire atmosphere, even for a fleeting second.

We come forth into this world, overflowing with such beautiful naivety on a planet that has so much information to offer. How lucky to be offered self awareness we are!

Once our lessons have been learned, our wisdom has been passed and we have drawn all of our being from melioration, we return, one way or another; our essence released to whence it came.    

Undoubtedly circling, constant yet certain is the human race as we initiate into this world, only to biologically decay even when our minds stay behind.

How bittersweet this contrast.

Precious Moments.

Being a family has bought so much warmth and love into my heart and soul; I realize just how lucky I am every single day.

I love it when I catch myself lovingly gazing at my two boys having morning cuddles, when both Nathan and I are both bent over cooing at our beautiful cubs smiling face. It feels like the earth itself stops rotating for that brief moment in time.

It’s hard to define love before having a child. We always loved our partners, but our love grows exponentially once our children enter this world. I’ve found it’s not just within my family but to all the people around me that I am now capable of loving more.

I have a greater sense of gratitude to seek out the beauty around me, and I find myself becoming a fuller, happier human being every day.

I love having the opportunity to capture these hovering moments in time; a candid photo of my child’s smile will bring so many people in his life a small gleam of his being. That brings me great joy.

These are precious moments in time, and we must try to be grateful in these moments and let them procreate into a magical montage of greatness.

The Three Bears NZ.

This is motherhood.

As I lay down in bed, exhausted, entering this faze of the day completely ready to embrace slumber, my brain decides to waken.

I start thinking about life changing decisions that I can’t do anything about at this current moment, the dishes that I should of done before bed, that snarkey comment I said to my partner 16 hours ago in the early hours of the morning and just like that, slumber is a distant memory.

The short hours my child does sleep at night are a crucial time for me to feel human via sleep. Yet, insomnia takes hold. I think of how this world will be in 10 years, about how stressful it is finding a new home, the thought of packing sends me into a minute anxiety attack. 

I try meditation, I try counting sheep, I try breathing techniques, I try ASMR and finally, I come to the bitter conclusion I’ll just have to close my eyes and stop looking at the time. Sleep will come, eventually.

The Three Bears NZ