Our own person.

Its so easy to get caught up in our current lives, to forget who we are outside of the realms of motherhood and parenthood. Those few nights spent separated from our wee ones helps define who we are away from it all. But lets be honest, its not likely that, the one night we do get once in a blue moon will be spent meditaing or bettering ourselves per say.. But what about a quiet night alone?

I find myself alone quite often, and as introverted as I am right now, the thought of spending just an entire day ON MY OWN without my child scares the shit out of me. I’m not exactly sure why I’m like this now, but the thought of well, being left to my own thoughts scares me. Not in a self-deprecating kind of way, but in the way that, as mothers we don’t get a moment alone, or so it feels, so when it does happen, i feel like I wouldn’t actually know what to do with myself. Whether you work or you don’t, I imagine we all feel this way to a degree. Point being, it’s scary, because like you, I can’t really remember life prior to this beautiful boy of ours.

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I feel like those moments between naps are enough most days, but some, I wish I could run away from it all, then I remember that I’m a mother now and I beat myself up internally a bit. But lets not bull shit here, it is hard, we lose the essence of us a little bit some days, we get angry at ourselves for having ‘bad’ thoughts about motherhood, parenting and we beat ourselves up for needing, craving space. I don’t believe there is any shame in needing that space. Its healthy, not only for us but for our children. I’m not one of those parents who want to constantly pawn my child off to grandparents or friends, but, I am learning to allow myself and my partner time to cool off, or ‘reset’.

I was a super weird kid, i hated being away from home. On occasion I would have panic attacks when staying at a friends house thinking aliens would kidnap me and I would get my mum to come and get me (don’t ask XD). I can tell you now, I really, REALLY, don’t want my son to be afraid like i was. I want to teach him to be self-assured and confident. Not afraid to be out of his comfort zone, be allowing him to be away from us instills that he is his own safety. At 5 months old he’ll sleep pretty much anywhere, he’s pretty down to earth and I’m confident that my partner and I are doing a good job.

Remind yourself that you need space, your child needs space and you deserve time to ‘reset’. Keep up the incredible work Mama’s and Papas ❤

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

The day’s of ‘hard’.

Teething bubba’s, working, studying and just general adulting can be really hard when you’re a parent.

My need for social encounters has more than halved, now that an outting now requires me to take pretty much half the house I catch myself finding quite a few excuses to stay home as often as I can.

Sometimes I can’t be bothered having a shower or changing our boys clothes at night before bed, sometimes, even though I’m trying to change my lifestyle for the better, body mind and soul, I catch myself with barely enough energy to get me through the day.

Sometimes I find myself thinking “who the F#+@ is meant to look after me?” Who’s going to do my washing, my dishes, let me sleep in, cook my dinner, fold my washing,  put my washing away and the list goes on. But I know I sound so ungrateful, I’m not I assure you. Mostly I count my fortunes, after all, I’m a stay at home mum who has an incredible partner who works for his son and I so I can stay at home and raise our boy and follow my dreams of studying and starting a small business.

But holy moly, mama, your amazing. And it’s okay to let it overwhelm you, just for a short while.

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Fueling the fire.

If there is something we all learn eventually, its that we need to keep our own fires burning. I dont mean that in a negative connotation, but something positive. Even though it takes years of practise to realize, we are infact capable of keeping them raging. 

Whats the fire actually stand for you ask? Your happiness, your passion, your determination. You see, we dont need someone to tell us how wonderful we are, we should just know, but society has and continues to strip us of that power. The point im making from a mothers perspective is, i want my kids to have self-love, self-respect and be highly resilient, but also gentle, be kind and compassionate. Its up to us to ignite their flame and give them the tools to make there own fuel to keep their own fire burning. Teach them that although the world is full of blithering  wankers, that they can still make the world a better place.

We are teaching the next generation,  the generation thats going to have to reverse all the damage done thanks to us, our parents, grandparents and so on. We ignite the flame, and we keep ours burning.

The Three Bears NZ

We plant the seed.

It’s a massive responsibility, realizing just how much influence you have over this little human you created. Constantly watching yourself and trying to enforce positive routines, positive environments and habits. To be honest, I’ve started implementing these routines almost more so for myself.

Nathan and I have never been good at routine, that’s why we never really set one for Torben prior to now. I mean, as mothers we really do want to have family breakfast and dinner sitting at the table, we want to bath our children every single night just before bed, and we want to get these little humans of ours sleeping through, but! It’s easier said than done. Because who has to actually enforce these routines? That’s right, us.

We are only human, sometimes we let that family dinner slide because your little one is out of whack, or your simply too tired to give them a proper bath so the shower it is and if you have had a very long stressful day a wet cloth will do.

We love our children, but we need to learn to love ourselves enough to know and be okay with imperfections. We are raising our children with all the love and positivity we can muster after all!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Sleepless nights.

The one thing that truly gets to me. I love my boy with all I have to give and more, but bite into my sleep and I begin to lose my sanity!

The sleepless nights has by far been the hardest thing about becoming a new mother, and I know it’s not just me! When mothers of babies that take a long time to sleep through here about your child who slept through from week 2 we can’t help but be a little envious! Tell me your secret!

No but seriously, it’s hard. You learn to function off small increments of sleep, and on those occasions you do get lucky enough to have over 5 hours you wake up wondering if your child is still breathing!

I’m still adjusting to my new found motherhood, 4 months later, and learning to enjoy the nights I can sleep through!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

My moon and my stars.

My own version of golden warmth, times such as this stands still. I realize not that it’s a moment fleeting.

Blur.

Does anyone else struggle with a messy mind? I find myself in a constant state of seeing things that need to be done, but leaving my current task undone! And, I don’t know what you’ve been told but, baby brain lasts a very long time. I had it bad during pregnancy, and, I still have it, in some cases I would say it’s worse since having our cub.

Between insomnia, our child waking up during the night for feeds and just generally not getting into bed early enough, my baby brain is shocking. My midnight bedtime is a little too late, but if you are anything like me, you’re not an early night or an early morning person. Besides, when else am I meant to get shit done?!IMG_20170304_163914.jpg

This week, I’ve just taken a step back to chill out a bit more, and it feels good. It feels really good to just not adult for a few days. Infact I might just conclude this week as a write-off, and squish all of my adulting into one whole day.

My whole life feels like a bit of a write-off at the moment. Between trying to learn this little being I grew for 9 – 10 months, which, is already a write-off automatically because, let’s be honest we don’t remember much of our pregnancies except the morning sickness, what we craved pork rinds, chocolate sundays and that we didn’t like labour. My early days and weeks of motherhood ( I know i’m still in early motherhood but, those super early days) were a combination of pizza and thai takeaways, muesli bars, bags of chips, chocolate and lots of netflix. They were, and still are on occasion lovely and heartwarming but sometimes, tedious, stressful and forced.

My point is, my weeks are a blur, OUR weeks are a blur. When i’m telling someone about something that happened weeks ago it turned out it was only days ago, I can’t concentrate because my time and days are in small increments between my child’s wake and sleep periods, so my days feel stupidly short but longer than ever, and often I feel like I barely get anything done and if I don’t write it down it doesn’t happen.

We are all only just getting into a routine for the first time in… what was I talking about? Kidding. The first time in what feels like a very long time. It feels good, to know what to expect, kind of. But that changes ALL THE TIME when you have a wee cub, and as much as I like to say I embrace it, it’s havoc at times and i’m just waiting for the next short routine to appear. Between being a mama and trying to start some sort of business I’m finding it highly challenging at the moment..

Do you other mothers struggle with juggling tasks and routines? I’d love to hear what other mama’s do!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.