Picking up where I left off yesterday, I thought it made a lot of sense to resume the Gratitude Challenge that I had commit myself to. I wanted to do this so I would reflect over the beautiful people, things and experiences in my life, thus raising my vibration and enable myself to be more open and receptive to the love this incredible universe of ours has to offer.
My Pikorua, gifted to me by Nathan on our first year anniversary is my most loved possession. Pounamu, New Zealand nephrite or more commonly known as jade is known as ‘The God Stone’ by Maori. Pounamu is is believed to protect, show kinship, love, offer good faith and evoke strength coming in the forms of different carvings.
The Pounamu Nathan gifted me is called Pikorua. It represents the spirits of two people intertwined, destined to always find one other no matter where life takes them. It is a cycle, constant, portraying the relationship between life and the eternal.
In Maori tradition, the stone must be blessed before it is to be worn, commonly blessed because Pounamu is known as tapu (sacred). I chose to bless mine in the moana (ocean) in front of the house where I spent the first seventeen years of my life, which will always hold a special place in my manawa (heart).
It is the most thoughtful gift anyone has thought to give me, it encompasses me. It brings me comfort when I am alone, it brings me strength when I feel like I can’t get up in the morning and it fills me with love with i think of who and where my Pounamu came from. I am blessed to have such an incredible companion who constantly supports me, who I can trust 120%, who’s always there and works so hard for our little whanau.
I had an extensive look through my blog posts over the last couple of months and, i realized that a lot of the things I had posted just weren’t me. I wanted a heartfelt blog, honest and true, my version of motherhood, not a constant stream of minor updates but a genuine take on my journey through motherhood.
I’ll rewind a little bit; This year has been absolutely, mind meltingly life altering, I know I became a mother this year and that itself is altering enough, but after meeting our beautiful cub I felt inspired. Inspired like I never had been before. I wanted (and still want) to be the best version of myself I could ever be. All it took was once look at our son for me to change. I want to be the best version of me for our son, my partner, family and myself.
So, thanks to an old friend, the amazing world of essential oils and aromatherapy was opened up to me. After a lifetime of struggling to find that ‘thing’ I wanted to do, it found me, at a vital point of my life, at a point of most vulnerability and whilst I was wide open to the universe. I fell in love quickly, and thus Aromama was born. Since that point I have made the choice to study and pursue my newly found, but deep passion of becoming an Aromatherapist and genuinely helping people.
One of the setbacks of being a first time mother is, not realizing that everything takes just a little bit longer to attain, from the simplest of tasks like folding the washing to attempting grocery shopping. Point being is, I naively believed I could cope with starting a new business venture and efficiently study at the same time. Unfortunately, in my usual style I over committed myself, and the first thing that I sacrificed was spending time on this blog, something that was and is a vital part of me coping with my mental health, sharing with other amazing humans what motherhood is whilst being creative and most importantly healing.
I have ‘wakeful’ periods during my days where I can function like a normal human, and it’s during those periods of my day where I’m useful and I usually try to get anything that requires brain power completed in this short window. Usually its spent trying to become market ready for Aromama, or I try to complete some of my assignments, but today I felt compelled to look over my blog, and I spent some time just speed reading through some recent posts to come to the conclusion I didn’t like the content, at all.
Contrary to what I led myself to believe, I haven’t been myself for a good couple of months now. I get it, motherhood changes you, it’s changed me so vastly that I think I’m still trying to figure out who I am in this new role as mother. I’m trying to not feel disappointed in myself for not being farther along in my development. Long story short, I’ve allowed my vibration, frequency and positivity to drop, and a lot of my content lately has depicted that.
From now on, I will take a much more self reflective and positive stance in this journey. I will post content that not only makes me feel good, but content that has the ability to make you, the beautiful reader to feel happier as well. I want you to leave my blog and go away having a better outlook on your situation, because your all incredible. The mothers I have met and become closer with since becoming a mother – you are all incredible and I really don’t know where I would be without you, online and offline.
Thank you for continuing to support me throughout this wonderful new journey,
We stared into one another, he took everything in about me, and I him. How his hair is growing millimeter but millimetre each day, how inquisitive those once blurred eyes now are seeking my familiar stare and those lips that mirror his father’s. I wonder what he see’s in me?
It’s such a precious thing, within just a moment of time to realize how beautiful a mother and child bond. The magnitude of being a parent is unfathomable most times as we all carry on with our day. If we honestly always felt the gravity of raising a child every moment of everyday we would probably shatter under the inert force that is, being a parent. But we don’t, we grow, we blossom and we only falter on occasion only to rise more experienced than we were prior. Each day I become more confident as a mother and a parent. Each day I know my child a little more and that brings me immeasurable amounts of joy.
I let the light of love into my heart and into my soul so that I can love deeper to those around me.