Gratitude 5 – Pounamu

Picking up where I left off yesterday, I thought it made a lot of sense to resume the Gratitude Challenge that I had commit myself to. I wanted to do this so I would reflect over the beautiful people, things and experiences in my life, thus raising my vibration and enable myself to be more open and receptive to the love this incredible universe of ours has to offer.

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My Pounamu Pikorua (twist), gifted to me by Nathan.

My Pikorua, gifted to me by Nathan on our first year anniversary is my most loved  possession. Pounamu, New Zealand nephrite or more commonly known as jade is known as ‘The God Stone’ by Maori. Pounamu is is believed to protect, show kinship, love, offer good faith and evoke strength coming in the forms of different carvings.

The Pounamu Nathan gifted me is called Pikorua. It represents the spirits of two people intertwined, destined to always find one other no matter where life takes them. It is a cycle, constant, portraying the relationship between life and the eternal.

In Maori tradition, the stone must be blessed before it is to be worn, commonly blessed because Pounamu is known as tapu (sacred). I chose to bless mine in the moana (ocean) in front of the house where I spent the first seventeen years of my life, which will always hold a special place in my manawa (heart).

It is the most thoughtful gift anyone has thought to give me, it encompasses me. It brings me comfort when I am alone, it brings me strength when I feel like I can’t get up in the morning and it fills me with love with i think of who and where my Pounamu came from. I am blessed to have such an incredible companion who constantly supports me, who I can trust 120%, who’s always there and works so hard for our little whanau.

I am open to receiving the love of the universe.

Alexa.

 

 

I lost sight.

I had an extensive look through my blog posts over the last couple of months and, i realized that a lot of the things I had posted just weren’t me. I wanted a heartfelt blog, honest and true, my version of motherhood, not a constant stream of minor updates but a genuine take on my journey through motherhood.

I’ll rewind a little bit; This year has been absolutely, mind meltingly life altering, I know I became a mother this year and that itself is altering enough, but after meeting our beautiful cub I felt inspired. Inspired like I never had been before. I wanted (and still want) to be the best version of myself I could ever be. All it took was once look at our son for me to change. I want to be the best version of me for our son, my partner, family and myself.

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My small business venture “Aromama’s” logo.

So, thanks to an old friend, the amazing world of essential oils and aromatherapy was opened up to me. After a lifetime of struggling to find that ‘thing’ I wanted to do, it found me, at a vital point of my life, at a point of most vulnerability and whilst I was wide open to the universe. I fell in love quickly, and thus Aromama was born. Since that point I have made the choice to study and pursue my newly found, but deep passion of becoming an Aromatherapist and genuinely helping people.

One of the setbacks of being a first time mother is, not realizing that everything takes just a little bit longer to attain, from the simplest of tasks like folding the washing to attempting grocery shopping. Point being is, I naively believed I could cope with starting a new business venture and efficiently study at the same time. Unfortunately, in my usual style I over committed myself, and the first thing that I sacrificed was spending time on this blog, something that was and is a vital part of me coping with my mental health, sharing with other amazing humans what motherhood is whilst being creative and most importantly healing.

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Studying hard or hardly studying..

I have ‘wakeful’ periods during my days where I can function like a normal human, and it’s during those periods of my day where I’m useful and I usually try to get anything that requires brain power completed in this short window. Usually its spent trying to become market ready for Aromama, or I try to complete some of my assignments, but today I felt compelled to look over my blog, and I spent some time just speed reading through some recent posts to come to the conclusion I didn’t like the content, at all.

Contrary to what I led myself to believe, I haven’t been myself for a good couple of months now. I get it, motherhood changes you, it’s changed me so vastly that I think I’m still trying to figure out who I am in this new role as mother. I’m trying to not feel disappointed in myself for not being farther along in my development. Long story short, I’ve allowed my vibration, frequency and positivity to drop, and a lot of my content lately has depicted that.

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From now on, I will take a much more self reflective and positive stance in this journey. I will post content that not only makes me feel good, but content that has the ability to make you, the beautiful reader to feel happier as well. I want you to leave my blog and go away having a better outlook on your situation, because your all incredible. The mothers I have met and become closer with since becoming a mother – you are all incredible and I really don’t know where I would be without you, online and offline.

Thank you for continuing to support me throughout this wonderful new journey,

Alexa. (The Three Bears NZ)

 

Gratitude 4 – Family

It is no easy task to pinpoint a particular member of my family of whom I am particularly grateful for. Each and everyone has shaped me into this being that I am today,  this mother I am today.


I am thankful for my mother, she gave me my loving heart and my fiery passion. My spontaneity, to be kind but to assert myself when appropriate and how to love to the moon and then back again.

I am thankful for my father, he gave me my logic, taught me to be kind to all living things, to take photo’s and leave only footprints and that sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.

I am thankful for my sister, she taught me to be thankful, grateful and realize how fortunate I truly am. To love life, even when things may not appear so good, that life is what you make of it and find light in the darkest of times.

I am thankful for my birth father, he has shown me to dismiss people’s judgments, to always give my opinion and that simply being me is enough.

I am thankful for my closest friends, who have stood the test of time, who stick by my side and offer me support no matter the time of day.

I am thankful for the single most incredible man I could ever ask to have by my side, we grow each day, together, who is there as a constant stream of loving support.

My beautiful son, who would I be without you? You are a beautiful old soul my boy. I am full of gratitude, warmth and joy when I look at you.

Alexa.

Gratitude 3 – Whanau

My circumstance is a little different to most when it comes to family, but I am all the more blessed for how things have turned out.

It’s as if there was divine intervention when I was brought into this world. Adopted from birth, and raised by the two most loving parents, gifted from a selfless mother who wanted a better life to give. I’m fortunate to have a solid relationship with my biological older sister and father as well.

Since having our little cub and being with an incredible partner I am also so lucky to be part of a whole new family experience. I consider myself highly grateful to be included with my partners amazing and

 highly loving family.

When I sit here and think of my family now, I feel like I might burst at the seams with all of the love and kindness. I am full of gratitude, I am full of love, I am open to a new and deeper experience of family.

Alexa.

Gratitude 2 – Companion

I’ve been very fortunate in this life. Whenever  I have been through bad times it’s been a prequel to an opening of joy and positivity. But the one thing I was previously never open to was timing. Timing was always off, at least I made it seem that way within myself. But for the first time, it seemed like the timing was of divinity. The way in which I met the father to my child, my companion, was all thanks to a reunion of a friendship. Ever since that moment, my life has seemed much more rounded, like a complete cycle; i’ve felt whole.

I am constantly living in a moment of gratitude with this amazing human being who, initially proved me to be completely wrong at every turn, and lead me to quickly changing my preconceptions of what I expected from people. At every bump in the road he’s been there to, not pick me up, but to make me realize that I have the capability to pick myself up, and words simply can’t describe how grateful I am for that.

img_20170129_140205_538In living with this incredible human, I have seen on a daily basis how selflessly he gives himself, not just to me but everyone around him. He endeavours to support me, but offers honesty for all choices I make. He is my safe place, my home.  I am constantly shown how it is to just love someone, and be loved in return. I am baffled by his pure kindness, his state of serenity, intelligence, and capability to be open to all things.
Not only are these things between us now, but shared with a beautiful little human being we both helped into this world. He is a natural father, a nurturing father, an inspiring father and he physically, mentally and financially supports our son and I. There is no fear of bringing up a human in this world full of the inept when I have such a true man by my side.

Fleetwood Mac Funny Nathan And LexI am in constant wonder at how harmonious we are and the complete lack of judgement in this pure simplicity which is, us. I am thankful for all that we have in common, and all that we don’t, for all of those deep talks, and the individuality. He is my best friend.

Words just don’t cut how vivaciously my gratitude grows every day for this amazing companion of mine. How fortunate I am in this life.

Deflated but elated.

If you follow my blog and read my posts you know that I stopped breast feeding about 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, as much as it was out of my control, I still find myself feeling guilty about it. I have to constantly remind myself that I did what I could, I did well and I chose to do what was best for the both of us.

Apart from that and the lack in sleep things have been really good. Our boy is blossoming each and every day and our love is ever growing. I am so proud to be a Mother and I’m finding my role more natural as the days melt into weeks and the weeks into months. 

But it has come to my attention that my breasts are almost completely empty and I can’t help but notice these two plastic bags on my chest. My two only bras no longer fit, and as much as I am a positive force, I’m still human and I can’t help but feel a little, well, deflated occasionally.

It’s incredible the amount of changes a woman’s body is constantly going through. In my initial naivety I assumed that once my child was no longer inside of me that my body would soon return to it’s normal state..NOPE. Can you believe my surprise when I found my body still changing?


It’s going to take a long time to get used to this new body of mine. But I am teaching myself to love this body everyday! Now that I’ve started yoga it’s already helping me become open and receptive to all the positive vibrations this beautiful earth has to offer. I choose to love myself and take actions toward engraving that into my heart.

Love yourself ladies, you are all beautiful and incredible!

The Three Bears NZ.

 

I know you now

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We stared into one another, he took everything in about me, and I him. How his hair is growing millimeter but millimetre each day, how inquisitive those once blurred eyes now are seeking my familiar stare and those lips that mirror his father’s. I wonder what he see’s in me?

It’s such a precious thing, within just a moment of time to realize how beautiful a mother and child bond. The magnitude of being a parent is unfathomable most times as we all carry on with our day. If we honestly always felt the gravity of raising a child every moment of everyday we would probably shatter under the inert force that is, being a parent. But we don’t, we grow, we blossom and we only falter on occasion only to rise more experienced than we were prior. Each day I become more confident as a mother and a parent. Each day I know my child a little more  and that brings me immeasurable amounts of joy.

I let the light of love into my heart and into my soul so that I can love deeper to those around me.

Blessings, Alexa.