My moon and my stars.

My own version of golden warmth, times such as this stands still. I realize not that it’s a moment fleeting.

Emotional update.

My emotional stability has been, absent lately. I feel like, I’m unhinged. My temper is short, I’m constantly fighting myself to not be constantly sucking energy from my environment just to get through the day, yet, I still find this cloud lingers.

The hardest thing about being a mother right now is, who is meant to look after us? Once we become mothers, we forget to look after ourselves, and people forget we need looking after sometimes.

Although I’m going through a bit of emotional turmoil, I find my spirituality growing. Perhaps I’m reaching for means to help me feel complete. To give myself the tools to be able to build the ladder out of this emotional pit. I am very interested in forms of paganism. Might be I’ll find my spiritual path by venturing down these paths and researching.

I’ve had to step back from “adulting” in the last couple of weeks, for what? Apart from my emotional state I’m not sure, but I know I’d like to give my self the chance to recover before this snow balls.

We work so hard as mothers to keep everyone else happy, and as cliche as it sounds, we forget ourselves. This is a lesson I am learning early and hard. Time to give ourselves some slack.

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Blur.

Does anyone else struggle with a messy mind? I find myself in a constant state of seeing things that need to be done, but leaving my current task undone! And, I don’t know what you’ve been told but, baby brain lasts a very long time. I had it bad during pregnancy, and, I still have it, in some cases I would say it’s worse since having our cub.

Between insomnia, our child waking up during the night for feeds and just generally not getting into bed early enough, my baby brain is shocking. My midnight bedtime is a little too late, but if you are anything like me, you’re not an early night or an early morning person. Besides, when else am I meant to get shit done?!IMG_20170304_163914.jpg

This week, I’ve just taken a step back to chill out a bit more, and it feels good. It feels really good to just not adult for a few days. Infact I might just conclude this week as a write-off, and squish all of my adulting into one whole day.

My whole life feels like a bit of a write-off at the moment. Between trying to learn this little being I grew for 9 – 10 months, which, is already a write-off automatically because, let’s be honest we don’t remember much of our pregnancies except the morning sickness, what we craved pork rinds, chocolate sundays and that we didn’t like labour. My early days and weeks of motherhood ( I know i’m still in early motherhood but, those super early days) were a combination of pizza and thai takeaways, muesli bars, bags of chips, chocolate and lots of netflix. They were, and still are on occasion lovely and heartwarming but sometimes, tedious, stressful and forced.

My point is, my weeks are a blur, OUR weeks are a blur. When i’m telling someone about something that happened weeks ago it turned out it was only days ago, I can’t concentrate because my time and days are in small increments between my child’s wake and sleep periods, so my days feel stupidly short but longer than ever, and often I feel like I barely get anything done and if I don’t write it down it doesn’t happen.

We are all only just getting into a routine for the first time in… what was I talking about? Kidding. The first time in what feels like a very long time. It feels good, to know what to expect, kind of. But that changes ALL THE TIME when you have a wee cub, and as much as I like to say I embrace it, it’s havoc at times and i’m just waiting for the next short routine to appear. Between being a mama and trying to start some sort of business I’m finding it highly challenging at the moment..

Do you other mothers struggle with juggling tasks and routines? I’d love to hear what other mama’s do!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

I’m back!

I’ve been so caught up in my own little bubble that I haven’t allowed myself, or given myself the respect to just sit down, take a deep breath and release all of my negative thoughts and stresses. The truth is, as I stated in my last post: I haven’t felt myself. I’m working on getting on top of it, but as you all know, it’s easier said than done!

So much of my time and energy has/is going into the business and being a mother, to a now 3 month old boy (holy crap, where did the time go?!) that I haven’t had a chance to really think straight!

Now, I know it’s not just me, but I have found since becoming a mother and a parent that my grip on time has totally loosened and I have no idea if I am up or down sometimes! Days disappear as if I haven’t lived them at all, (sometimes I wonder if I have!) and other times days pop out of nowhere. It’s so hard to juggle everything and unfortunately writing this blog has been lost within the myriad of obstacles in my way and for a time, simply became a chore, which is not at all what the point in this blog is for me.

Well here I am, i’m going to ensure for my mental health, yet again, that I am regularly updating the blog!

Torben and Lex.jpg

The light of my life.

Where am I at now? Well, being a mother of a beautiful growing little boy cub is absolutely incredible! I consider myself so fortunate every day to have this little cub in my life and an incredible man by my side. Life is testing me right now but I am rising above, and currently feeling like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I feel like I can breathe again, and in turn I feel a light inside of me burning again that I haven’t felt for a long time.

I am trying to get back on the rails and look after myself in mind, body and spirit. My partner and I will be detoxing after my birthday and honestly, I am genuinely excited to get that part of our lives started so we can both be the best for ourselves and our cub. As much as I am trying to be happy within myself, standing on the scales for the first time in a year to find I am 100.9kg was a sad shock to me, and although I hate weight and would rather avoid owning scales, it still hit home and I keep telling myself to stop being so upset. Apart from, what feels like a huge setback,  I am counting my blessings each day and allowing myself to remember that I am important and when one loves themself, they can learn to love more. I am giving in ways I know how and this brings me higher again.

I hope you are all doing well, I look forward to writing on a regular basis again! Thank you for your patience, you are all incredible!

The Three Bears NZ.

 

 

Hectic is normality.

As you may know, our little fam is on the move! I’ve been struggling to make time for most things but honestly, in the last couple of days, I have been struggling to find any motivation to finish packing! I’ve hit a brick wall bigger than the wall Trump plans on building.

Our house is in absolutely chaos! It’s hard to move around and I just can’t function in this kind of environment. I understand that come sunday evening it’s all going to be basically finished and I can’t wait! Living in an urban area has been normality for so long, but knowing we are going to be living rurally so soon has me listening to the constant barrage of sounds.

If it’s not boy racers its parties, if its not parties is the neighbor’s cats landing on the shed roof, if it’s not that there is the constant hum of the port. Don’t get me wrong, i have definitely enjoyed my time here! This is where Nathan and I started, where we began and a part of this small, cramped 1970’s flat will have a place in my heart. Our times walking into the local pubs and aimlessly floundering home are over now and we have no need to be so close to the center of everything. But I am grateful.

Moving with even a 2 month old is presenting me with a whole new world of responsibility! Learning to juggle packing, cooking, feeding and even getting a shower in is proving challenging at best!

Not only that, I am in the process of starting a small business  from home creating health, beauty and wellness products for you beautiful mama’s and your littlies! I am so excited to get this journey underway and sharing it with you incredible followers of mine!

WATCH THIS SPACE! 😀 Thank you so much for still supporting me through my absence!

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Stigmas of a Mother.

As we grow our children and into our role as mothers, both physically and spiritually, we are constantly bombarded with advice and judgements.

If a mother chooses to breastfeed her child in public she’s bombarded with criticism, when a mother chooses to formula feed her child she’s also bombarded with criticism. The single most unfortunate thing about these stigmas, it seems to  be other woman; Mothers, bestowing their ‘god like’ judgement upon their fellow woman.

After having problems producing enough milk for my hungry wee cub, I decided for my sanity and my poor cubs little tummy, to switch to formula. It’s only been a couple of weeks, yet people haven’t hesitated to show their distaste. No wonder when I go to the doctors, nurses or I have to feed our child in public I feel ashamed to declare this fact. How unfair it is, that I we as mothers are made to feel that way! Breast is best?! More like shut your mouth Barabara you haven’t had a child under 43 for 100 years!

I’m currently in a state of mind in which I have to constantly remind myself that the choices I make are in the best interest of my child, because they are. A mother who has looked after her needs is a good mother, no, a great mother.

If a mother chooses to do her makeup, straighten her hair, go to the hair salon, take a 10 minute time-out, breastfeed, formula feed, let her child play computer games, enforce her child to play outside, co-sleep, promote self-settling, let her child cry, hold her child close that is her choice as a mother.

It is our duty as woman, to withhold our judgement, to apply self-awareness to the judgements that do pop up in our head and alter those thoughts into empathetic, supportive and understanding wavelengths.

I’m sick of people in general constantly feeling the need to spread their ‘anticipated’ advice. Did I ask for it? NO! Some of the information is useful, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Just remember the next time you open your fat gob to some poor heavily pregnant woman who’s been told “Enjoy the peace and quiet whilst it last’s honey!” a dozen times in that week alone or that poor mother who hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in, well, she can’t remember.. They don’t want to hear it. Every child is completely different and we will or are learning our child. Specially if you haven’t got your own children!

My greatest piece of advice I can offer: instead of passing judgment or pointless advice, tell her how awesome she rocks that baby belly or how amazing that mother at the checkout with a child having a full blown tantrum is doing! Or, if you have friends that are pregnant or having a young child, offer your help, bring them food, coffee, compliments and support.

The Three Bears NZ.

 

Love Thyself.

I’ve been struggling to look after myself ‘properly’ ever since Torben entered this world. I promised myself a walk a day, to exclude dairy from my diet and to attempt earlier nights. I know it does no one any good, specifically myself, to beat myself up over empty promises. But I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself.

A friend of mine and I have signed up for beginners yoga and I am enthralled that it’s one thing I certainly can’t or won’t make excuses to get out of. The dog ate my yoga pants just won’t cut it.

img_20170209_114624_368

Vegetable breakfast bowl with grilled haloumi + turmeric yogurt and homemade basil pesto.

I am a qualified chef so I absolutely love food and cooking; it’s one of my passions. Since becoming a mother I find myself having only moments of being absolutely adamant about my strict diet, the other half I resort to ‘I’m too tired to cook, let’s get pizza with all of the extra mozzarella’. If i’m going to have bad food, i might as well have all of the bad food. That’s logic, right?

When I do have the energy to make a healthy meal I love cooking and using clean, green and as much organic ingredients as I can! It brings me a lot of joy to feed myself and those that I love. So why can’t I be consistent at the moment?

img_20170204_125018_473

Bulgar wheat with basil + cherry tomatoes + cashews + olives + goat’s milk feta and apple cider vinegar dressing.

For me, it all boils down to how tired I am on any given day, which at the moment seems to be all of the time; it’s just one annoying cycle.

  1. I’m tired because I don’t get to bed early or take advantage of the sleep that is available to me.
  2. I don’t get to bed early enough because I’m trying to clean the house so I don’t wake up to a mess.
  3. I clean the house so I don’t wake up to a mess because I want to have time to cook a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner.
  4. But I wake up the next morning tired. 

And thus the cycle starts again!

However, I have an idea to keep myself in check and to finally break the cycle!

  1. I will post a recipe, photo or ‘food diary’ each day!
  2. I must have a class on the go at any given time that I am able to do whilst recovering from my c-section.

I don’t plan on counting calories and weighing myself, that’s not my reason for any of this. I want to be a healthier, happier me. I want to be able to chase my little bear cub around and not feel like Harry Heartattack!

Does anyone else have this problem? Leave your story in the comments!

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.