Gratitude 2 – Companion

I’ve been very fortunate in this life. Whenever  I have been through bad times it’s been a prequel to an opening of joy and positivity. But the one thing I was previously never open to was timing. Timing was always off, at least I made it seem that way within myself. But for the first time, it seemed like the timing was of divinity. The way in which I met the father to my child, my companion, was all thanks to a reunion of a friendship. Ever since that moment, my life has seemed much more rounded, like a complete cycle; i’ve felt whole.

I am constantly living in a moment of gratitude with this amazing human being who, initially proved me to be completely wrong at every turn, and lead me to quickly changing my preconceptions of what I expected from people. At every bump in the road he’s been there to, not pick me up, but to make me realize that I have the capability to pick myself up, and words simply can’t describe how grateful I am for that.

img_20170129_140205_538In living with this incredible human, I have seen on a daily basis how selflessly he gives himself, not just to me but everyone around him. He endeavours to support me, but offers honesty for all choices I make. He is my safe place, my home.  I am constantly shown how it is to just love someone, and be loved in return. I am baffled by his pure kindness, his state of serenity, intelligence, and capability to be open to all things.
Not only are these things between us now, but shared with a beautiful little human being we both helped into this world. He is a natural father, a nurturing father, an inspiring father and he physically, mentally and financially supports our son and I. There is no fear of bringing up a human in this world full of the inept when I have such a true man by my side.

Fleetwood Mac Funny Nathan And LexI am in constant wonder at how harmonious we are and the complete lack of judgement in this pure simplicity which is, us. I am thankful for all that we have in common, and all that we don’t, for all of those deep talks, and the individuality. He is my best friend.

Words just don’t cut how vivaciously my gratitude grows every day for this amazing companion of mine. How fortunate I am in this life.

How bittersweet this contrast.

The day my son was placed upon my chest and into my arms, I felt LIFE. The newest and most pure essence of our life force. So young, so quintessentially innocent, yet resonating with radiant energy.

We all, as parents go through this in our own way. We see this from different points, at different times, depending on how receptive we are.

I’m twenty four years old. The energy of youth still abundant in my being and renewed by my gratification of bringing a life into this world. I feel such revelry to walk our mother earth each day and with each breath I am open to more.

When Torben met his great grandparents on my mother’s side, we entered the energy of a thousand life forces slowly being reverted to their place of origin, but oh! What a life lived. The presence of such a burgeoning energy was enough to change the entire atmosphere, even for a fleeting second.

We come forth into this world, overflowing with such beautiful naivety on a planet that has so much information to offer. How lucky to be offered self awareness we are!

Once our lessons have been learned, our wisdom has been passed and we have drawn all of our being from melioration, we return, one way or another; our essence released to whence it came.    

Undoubtedly circling, constant yet certain is the human race as we initiate into this world, only to biologically decay even when our minds stay behind.

How bittersweet this contrast.

Stigmas of a Mother

As we grow our children and into our role as mothers, both physically and spiritually, we are constantly bombarded with advice and judgements.

If a mother chooses to breastfeed her child in public she’s bombarded with criticism, when a mother chooses to formula feed her child she’s also bombarded with criticism. The single most unfortunate thing about these stigmas, it seems to  be other woman; Mothers, bestowing their ‘god like’ judgement upon their fellow woman.

After having problems producing enough milk for my hungry wee cub, I decided for my sanity and my poor cubs little tummy, to switch to formula. It’s only been a couple of weeks, yet people haven’t hesitated to show their distaste. No wonder when I go to the doctors, nurses or I have to feed our child in public I feel ashamed to declare this fact. How unfair it is, that I we as mothers are made to feel that way! Breast is best?! More like shut your mouth Barabara you haven’t had a child under 43 for 100 years!

I’m currently in a state of mind in which I have to constantly remind myself that the choices I make are in the best interest of my child, because they are. A mother who has looked after her needs is a good mother, no, a great mother.

If a mother chooses to do her makeup, straighten her hair, go to the hair salon, take a 10 minute time-out, breastfeed, formula feed, let her child play computer games, enforce her child to play outside, co-sleep, promote self-settling, let her child cry, hold her child close that is her choice as a mother.

It is our duty as woman, to withhold our judgement, to apply self-awareness to the judgements that do pop up in our head and alter those thoughts into empathetic, supportive and understanding wavelengths.

I’m sick of people in general constantly feeling the need to spread their ‘anticipated’ advice. Did I ask for it? NO! Some of the information is useful, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Just remember the next time you open your fat gob to some poor heavily pregnant woman who’s been told “Enjoy the peace and quiet whilst it last’s honey!” a dozen times in that week alone or that poor mother who hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in, well, she can’t remember.. They don’t want to hear it. Every child is completely different and we will or are learning our child. Specially if you haven’t got your own children!

My greatest piece of advice I can offer: instead of passing judgment or pointless advice, tell her how awesome she rocks that baby belly or how amazing that mother at the checkout with a child having a full blown tantrum is doing! Or, if you have friends that are pregnant or having a young child, offer your help, bring them food, coffee, compliments and support.

The Three Bears NZ.

 

Motherhood = unpredictability

Today my wee baby bear had his first immunizations!

This isn’t going to be an argument about immunizations, if you choose to or not to, it’s your choice and I’m never going to tell you your wrong, because you know best for your child.

Anyway. I have been nervous for a good couple of days now, constantly thinking about how he would react. How hard it would be to watch him and how am I going to deal with a huge routine shift when it finally feels like we are slowly but surely getting more sleep and predictability. We do what we can, at the end of the day we follow him and his needs. 

Needless to say as horrible as it was to see him crying due to a needle enter his wee thighs, it really was not as bad as my mind had manifested. The mind is such a powerful thing when in the head of an overtired mother!

Once we hit the fourth hour after his immunizations BANG he cried for a good hour! He’s never done that before! He ended up crying himself to sleep, which I guess is well needed. Even if it did break my heart!

Thankfully when Papa came home Torben calmed right down, and he’s been a very sleepy wee cub since, and he’s still eating find and all is right with the world. We even managed to watch Inception and eat a whole bowl of plain popcorn! Yay! Now it’s time to fall into the comfortable bed I’ve been thinking of since I left it this morning..

From one tired and relieved Mama bear, good night! Or good day.. All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

Love Thyself.

I’ve been struggling to look after myself ‘properly’ ever since Torben entered this world. I promised myself a walk a day, to exclude dairy from my diet and to attempt earlier nights. I know it does no one any good, specifically myself, to beat myself up over empty promises. But I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself.

A friend of mine and I have signed up for beginners yoga and I am enthralled that it’s one thing I certainly can’t or won’t make excuses to get out of. The dog ate my yoga pants just won’t cut it.

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Vegetable breakfast bowl with grilled haloumi + turmeric yogurt and homemade basil pesto.

I am a qualified chef so I absolutely love food and cooking; it’s one of my passions. Since becoming a mother I find myself having only moments of being absolutely adamant about my strict diet, the other half I resort to ‘I’m too tired to cook, let’s get pizza with all of the extra mozzarella’. If i’m going to have bad food, i might as well have all of the bad food. That’s logic, right?

When I do have the energy to make a healthy meal I love cooking and using clean, green and as much organic ingredients as I can! It brings me a lot of joy to feed myself and those that I love. So why can’t I be consistent at the moment?

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Bulgar wheat with basil + cherry tomatoes + cashews + olives + goat’s milk feta and apple cider vinegar dressing.

For me, it all boils down to how tired I am on any given day, which at the moment seems to be all of the time; it’s just one annoying cycle.

  1. I’m tired because I don’t get to bed early or take advantage of the sleep that is available to me.
  2. I don’t get to bed early enough because I’m trying to clean the house so I don’t wake up to a mess.
  3. I clean the house so I don’t wake up to a mess because I want to have time to cook a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner.
  4. But I wake up the next morning tired. 

And thus the cycle starts again!

However, I have an idea to keep myself in check and to finally break the cycle!

  1. I will post a recipe, photo or ‘food diary’ each day!
  2. I must have a class on the go at any given time that I am able to do whilst recovering from my c-section.

I don’t plan on counting calories and weighing myself, that’s not my reason for any of this. I want to be a healthier, happier me. I want to be able to chase my little bear cub around and not feel like Harry Heartattack!

Does anyone else have this problem? Leave your story in the comments!

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

The Parent Panic.

Being a first time parent is incredible! You couldn’t imagine life being more fulfilling. But you are learning on the job, and there are a few things that you can’t help but freak out about..

This constant stream of news about Trump, ISIS and global climate change has me thinking “What kind of world have we bought our son into?! You constantly wonder what the world will be like in 20 years time for your children, and to tell you the truth, I don’t like what I see.

mother-nature-artistic-wallpaperThere is a barrage of narrow minded pricks constantly asking the wrong questions just to prevent open minded people from creating a beautiful Mother Earth.

What is one mother meant to do? I’ll tell you now, you make the smallest difference, because even the smallest difference counts! Show your child that one human DOES make a difference. Recycle, use all of your left-overs, pick up a piece of rubbish on the side of the road, buy free-range eggs, stop eating meat every night, be kind to your fellow human, learn an alternative health method, ride your bike or walk more, take shorter showers and the list is endless! All you can do is be the best example you can muster!

The future generations need to be taught that this world really does have limited time, especially if we don’t look after our planet earth. The things our children will grow to see will be absolutely breathtaking, but they will also see what generations to pass have done to this beautiful planet.

If I can honestly say in 20 years time that my partner and I raised a kind, generous, open-minded human, I say job well done. Job well done to all of you parents who are currently working towards that or have already gotten to that milestone!

What are your “Parent Panic’s?” Leave your answer in the comments!

All the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.

 

 

I broke down.

My baby boy is only four weeks and two days old so this blog is a constant, evolving and recent take on my experiences as I grow into motherhood.

I haven’t struggled in the past to show my emotion, in the sense that I would cry at regular intervals in the privacy of my own room. It’s good to expel all of that pent up energy and just let it run down your face. But for some reason, from when I found out I was pregnant to last night, I barely shed a tear. I’m usually calm and it takes a lot to make me explode in one way or another and I’ve just put it down to that until last night. It’s not from lack of needing to, I just didn’t have that urge to break down that entire length of time, which has to be a record.

If you frequent this blog or if you have experienced motherhood, you know that it’s sometimes draining, demanding and tiring. (We love our babies but it’s hard sometimes!).

In the last couple of weeks our boy hasn’t been sleeping that great, I understand he’s far too little for me to expect routine, but my mental health can’t cope on such small amounts of sleep.

img_20170207_105859_602I cried for the first time since mother hood last night. I had slept about 7 hours in 48 hours, and that was all broken. Torben had been absolutely grizzly all day, I had drank myself into a caffeine panic attack and I honestly, just FELT.LIKE.CRAP.

After a long day of visiting grandad and close friends, I was exhausted and, so was he. Once we got home, reasonably late in the evening, around 10pm, he started incessantly screaming. I tried everything apart from feeding him, my judgement was he had just eaten only an hour previous, surely it couldn’t be that. Needless to say he was screeching into the depths of my soul and I simply couldn’t cope. Once my partner had made him a bottle, I quickly handed him Torben and proceeded to break down in tears with my head in my hands. 

I was ashamed: I hate crying in front of anyone it doesn’t matter how close we are, I will still try to avoid it like the plague. I had my hands over my face because I couldn’t stand to be seen so weak.

I felt powerless: I felt in an instant that I was a failure of a mother and that surely my child shouldn’t be screaming like that. Surely, I should be able to help him always and take any pain away.

I felt stupid: I thought I must be exaggerating, surely I didn’t need to cry like that?

Finally, I felt fucking fatigued in every sense of the word. Physically I could barely pick up my feet and mentally I couldn’t handle the smallest thing to go wrong. If someone had so much as said the slightly wrong thing, I would’ve lost the plot. My mental capacity to deal with life had gone with my lack of sleep.

Fortunately I am incredibly lucky to have an amazing man in my life. He took the night shift, even though he had work the next day, and I managed to get about 6 – 7 solid hours of sleep in. Today I feel like I’m on my way to feeling somewhat human again.

I’m learning that, I’m not capable of being the ‘perfect’ mother, and that’s okay.  It’s okay to ball your eyes out and be vulnerable because you can start to pick yourself up after that. I also now realize I really need to start looking after myself; I need to eat better food regularly, force myself to sleep more, go for walks often and create positive thoughts.

Remember, when you feel like you can’t cope, you aren’t alone. I’m always here if anyone needs to talk, even if it’s so much as you needing to vent. You can message me on my facebook or simply e-mail me at thethreebearsnz@gmail.com! I will ALWAYS respond.

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.