Fueling the fire.

If there is something we all learn eventually, its that we need to keep our own fires burning. I dont mean that in a negative connotation, but something positive. Even though it takes years of practise to realize, we are infact capable of keeping them raging. 

Whats the fire actually stand for you ask? Your happiness, your passion, your determination. You see, we dont need someone to tell us how wonderful we are, we should just know, but society has and continues to strip us of that power. The point im making from a mothers perspective is, i want my kids to have self-love, self-respect and be highly resilient, but also gentle, be kind and compassionate. Its up to us to ignite their flame and give them the tools to make there own fuel to keep their own fire burning. Teach them that although the world is full of blithering  wankers, that they can still make the world a better place.

We are teaching the next generation,  the generation thats going to have to reverse all the damage done thanks to us, our parents, grandparents and so on. We ignite the flame, and we keep ours burning.

The Three Bears NZ

I’m back!

I’ve been so caught up in my own little bubble that I haven’t allowed myself, or given myself the respect to just sit down, take a deep breath and release all of my negative thoughts and stresses. The truth is, as I stated in my last post: I haven’t felt myself. I’m working on getting on top of it, but as you all know, it’s easier said than done!

So much of my time and energy has/is going into the business and being a mother, to a now 3 month old boy (holy crap, where did the time go?!) that I haven’t had a chance to really think straight!

Now, I know it’s not just me, but I have found since becoming a mother and a parent that my grip on time has totally loosened and I have no idea if I am up or down sometimes! Days disappear as if I haven’t lived them at all, (sometimes I wonder if I have!) and other times days pop out of nowhere. It’s so hard to juggle everything and unfortunately writing this blog has been lost within the myriad of obstacles in my way and for a time, simply became a chore, which is not at all what the point in this blog is for me.

Well here I am, i’m going to ensure for my mental health, yet again, that I am regularly updating the blog!

Torben and Lex.jpg

The light of my life.

Where am I at now? Well, being a mother of a beautiful growing little boy cub is absolutely incredible! I consider myself so fortunate every day to have this little cub in my life and an incredible man by my side. Life is testing me right now but I am rising above, and currently feeling like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I feel like I can breathe again, and in turn I feel a light inside of me burning again that I haven’t felt for a long time.

I am trying to get back on the rails and look after myself in mind, body and spirit. My partner and I will be detoxing after my birthday and honestly, I am genuinely excited to get that part of our lives started so we can both be the best for ourselves and our cub. As much as I am trying to be happy within myself, standing on the scales for the first time in a year to find I am 100.9kg was a sad shock to me, and although I hate weight and would rather avoid owning scales, it still hit home and I keep telling myself to stop being so upset. Apart from, what feels like a huge setback, Β I am counting my blessings each day and allowing myself to remember that I am important and when one loves themself, they can learn to love more. I am giving in ways I know how and this brings me higher again.

I hope you are all doing well, I look forward to writing on a regular basis again! Thank you for your patience, you are all incredible!

The Three Bears NZ.

 

 

I know you now.

IMG_20170304_141652.jpgThis afternoon, for the first time in six and a bit weeks my son and I finally saw each other properly for the first time. We’ve ‘seen’ each other of course but, not like this.

We stared into one another for about fifteen minutes. He took everything in about me, and I him. How his hair is growing millimeter but millimetre each day, how inquisitive those once blurred eyes now are seeking my familiar stare and those lips that mirror his father’s. I wonder what he see’s in me?

It’s such a precious thing to truly realize within just a moment of time how important a mother and child bond truely is. The magnitude of being a parent is unfathomable most times as we all carry on with our day. If we honestly always felt the gravity of raising a child every moment of everyday we would probably shatter under the inert force that is, being a parent.

Each day I become more confident as a mother and a parent. Each day I know my child more and more and that brings me unmeasurable amounts of joy. Some days I still feel like I haven’t learnt a thing and that I still know nothing about our son; but that’s okay. We do what’s best for our sanity sometimes to get through the day.

The Three Bears NZ

 

The juggle struggle!

Being a new mum has made me happier than I would’ve ever imagined! But i often find myself doing as much housework and organizing as I can whilst Torben is sleeping and forgetting to eat, forgetting to cater to my own basic needs; forgetting ‘me’ time. Essentially, me keeping up to date with this blog is ‘me’ time, and it helps me piece together how i mentally  feel. It’s a means for me to keep my sanity above the water line. 

I am striving to find a balance between all of this chaos and I’m starting to feel like I may drown. Now, I’ve never considered myself ocd, but I don’t like having dirty dishes, having clutter all over the show and have a full laundry basket to deal with. My mind is a mess already, if the house is a mess there is no possible way for me to process things efficiently. I wish that some mess didn’t bother me, that it COULD wait till tomorrow!

I need to realize that my beautiful boy cub only goes through these stages for a brief short period of time! The washing can wait!

So to add to my list of goals, the time I do devote to my son is going to be whole hearted. My time is the most valuable thing I can offer.

I would love to post everyday but unfortunately it’s simply not possible sometimes! I will do my best to keep everything up to date.

All of the love and support,

The Three Bears NZ.